It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
