I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
