i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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