dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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