I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
