oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
In other news, I just burned my penis
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
