Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
