it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We don't watch enough power rangers
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
