I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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