Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
