Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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