..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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