I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
