There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
