you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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