Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Please don't give away my fajitas
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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