There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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