I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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