Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
