i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
