There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
