He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This house was built for laser tag.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
