How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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