I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
