Nicole vs. Life
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I will pee on everything he values.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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