i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
