sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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