My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
