True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
