I got chris browned last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My vagina is officially offended.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
