So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
