Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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