they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
