no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
