dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize