dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
