Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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