I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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