you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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