Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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