So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
