Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
