The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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