If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
