Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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