I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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