The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
