Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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