I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Vodka?
Forever.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize