my phone needs a breathalizer
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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