i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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