I got chris browned last night
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
