if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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