yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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