omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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