i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
