i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
