dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think my mom watched the whole time
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
