is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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