I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
