I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
