im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
