I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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