It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
